Nov. 4, 2018 The First Commandment

The Thirty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time-Year B

Reading I:  Deuteronomy 6: 2-6

Psalm:  18

Reading II:  Hebrews 7: 23-28

Gospel:  Mark 12 :28b-34


In today’s Gospel, the scribe asks Jesus: “What is the first commandment?” Jesus responds: “Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” The command to love is certainly a simple one.  However, it is also very challenging:

         Love is patient and kind; 
         love is not jealous or boastful; 
         it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way;
         it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong,
         but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things,
         hopes all things, endures all things; 
         Love never ends.     - 1 Cor. 13:4-8

God is love by nature. His love is already perfect. He loves us totally and unconditionally and is present to us always. He chose to help us to be more aware of His presence by giving us the Eucharist, so we can adore him under the appearance of bread and wine.

However, for us, love is an ideal, something regarded as perfect.  We need to ask God’s help and work at it daily. Mothers have to teach little ones to share since they have a tendency toward selfishness. Unless encouraged to help and give to others that self-centered trait can continue into adulthood. The practice of having volunteer service as a requirement for the sacrament of Confirmation is a positive way of introducing youth to the need to reach out to others in love.

In my mother’s later days, I can recall her saying to me one day: “You were always a ‘doll’ (meaning perfect).”  My response was, “I was not always a ‘doll’.” I could recall my being self-centered and lacking in thoughtfulness at times. Her simple answer was: “You were only human.”  What a gift that was to me! 

Like most people, after a loved one dies, I sometimes feel guilty that I had not been more attentive to my mother. At those times, her consoling words come back to me and give me peace.

St. Katharine used to pray that she would love God as much as he deserved to be loved. I used to say that prayer also. However,  I have now changed it to — help me to love you according to the grace you give me. Loving him as He deserves is beyond my ability.

Again, I feel my limitations when I cannot keep up with family and friends as much as I would like.  I have to be content that the Lord is able to be with them and care for them at all times. I have to remember that I am “only human” and do the best I can.

Thank God for his unlimited,  unconditional, and eternal love! 

  Reflection Question:     Which love needs my attention most now?

Spanish Translation of Reflection Above...
El Primer Mandamiento

En el Evangelio de hoy, el escriba le pregunta a Jesús:  “¿Cuál es el primer mandamiento?” Jesús responde: “¡Oye, Israel! ¡El Señor nuestro Dios es el Señor solo! Amarás al Señor tu Dios con todo tu corazón, con toda tu alma, con toda tu mente y con todas tus fuerzas”. El mandato de amar es ciertamente simple. Sin embargo, también es muy desafiante:

        El amor es paciente y amable; El amor no es celoso ni jactancioso;         
        no es arrogante ni grosero. El amor no insiste a su manera;
        no es irritable ni resentido; no se regocija en el mal,
        pero se regocija en la derecha.
        El amor lleva todas las cosas, cree todas las cosas, 

        spera todas las cosas, soporta todas las cosas; 

        El amor nunca termina.     - 1 Cor. 13:4-8

Dios es amor por naturaleza. Su amor ya es perfecto. Él nos ama total e incondicionalmente y está presente para nosotros siempre. Eligió ayudarnos a ser más conscientes de su presencia al darnos la Eucaristía, para que podamos adorarlo bajo la apariencia de pan y vino.

Sin embargo, para nosotros, el amor es un ideal, algo que se considera perfecto. Necesitamos pedir la ayuda de Dios y trabajar en ello diariamente. Las madres tienen que enseñar a los pequeños a compartir, ya que tienen una tendencia hacia el egoísmo. A menos que se los aliente a ayudar y dar a otros, ese rasgo egocéntrico puede continuar hasta la edad adulta. La práctica de tener el servicio voluntario como un requisito para el sacramento de la Confirmación es una forma positiva de presentar a los jóvenes la necesidad de llegar a otros en amor.

En los últimos días de mi madre, puedo recordar que un día me dijo: “Siempre fuiste una ‘muñeca’ (que significa perfecto)”.  Mi respuesta fue: “No siempre fui una ‘muñeca’.” Centrado y carente de reflexión a veces. Su respuesta simple fue: “Sólo eras humano”.  ¡Qué regalo que fue para mí!

Como la mayoría de las personas, después de que muere un ser querido, a veces me siento culpable por no haber estado más atento a mi madre. En esos momentos, sus palabras consoladoras regresan a mí y me dan paz.

St. Katharine used to pray that she would love God as much as he deserved to be loved. I used to say that prayer also. However,  I have now changed it to — help me to love you according to the grace you give me. Loving him as He deserves is beyond my ability.

Nuevamente, siento mis limitaciones cuando no puedo mantenerme al tanto de la familia y los amigos tanto como me gustaría. Tengo que contentarme con que el Señor pueda estar con ellos y cuidarlos en todo momento. Tengo que recordar que soy “solo humano” y hacer lo mejor que puedo.

¡Gracias a Dios por su amor ilimitado, incondicional y eterno!

  Pregunta de reflexión:     ¿Qué amor necesita mi atención ahora?

October 28, 2018 - That I Might See

The Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time  -  B

Background image used in imagery is courtesy of Pexels.com

Reading I:  Jeremiah 31: 7-9

Psalm:  126

Reading II:  Hebrews 5: 1-6

Gospel:  Mark 10: 46-62

In today’s Gospel we hear of Bartimaeus, a blind man with deep insight and faith. Daily, he would sit by the roadside begging for the basic necessities of life. One day, he heard people nearby saying that Jesus, the compassionate miracle worker, was going to pass by. Bartimaeus had heard stories about this man from the line of David who was “going about doing good.” 

Suddenly, his heart was filled with hope and he called out to Jesus. The bystanders were telling him to be quiet, but his heart was bursting with joyful anticipation. Surely, if he could get Jesus’ attention, he would help him out of his terrible situation. Jesus would understand how difficult it was to daily sit begging, subject to being ridiculed or ignored by those who were blessed with sight and good health.

Calling out all the louder, Bartimaeus was finally heard by Jesus who told a bystander to call Bartimaeus to Him. The man told Bartimaeus, “Take courage, get up, Jesus is calling you.” Bartimaeus threw off his cloak and went hastily to Jesus. Jesus asked him “What do you want me to do for you?” The blind man pleaded: “Master, I want to see.” Jesus recognizing the trusting heart of Bartimaeus responded: “Go your way, your faith has saved you.” 

After the blind man was given his sight, unlike some others whom Jesus had cured, Bartimaeus became a follower of Jesus. I can picture him as being a joyful, grateful man and a very zealous evangelizer. What a privilege was his to share his knowledge and love of Jesus with others!

There are many kinds of blindness, sometimes not even recognized by people. Studies have been done which indicate that we do not see ourselves as other people do. Surely, we cannot see ourselves as God does.

If we want to true followers of Jesus, it is important to know how He sees us so that we can strive to be the kind of person He desires us to be. The cry of Bartimaeus needs to be our plea also: “Master, that I may see!” However, that requires courage. We need to ask our Divine Potter for that courage.

We are totally dependent on our Divine Potter since we need His help to even begin to become the person he calls us to be. Nevertheless, with such a merciful and loving Potter, we can trust that he will carefully mold us, smoothing out the rough spots. What he asks of us is to completely surrender ourselves into his loving hands.


  Reflection Question:    Do you feel resistance to seeing yourself as God sees you?  If so, ask him for the courage you need.

Spanish Translation of Reflection Above...

Que yo pueda ver

En el Evangelio de hoy escuchamos a Bartimeo, un hombre ciego con profunda percepción y fe. Diariamente, se sentaba al lado de la carretera rogando por las necesidades básicas de la vida. Un día, escuchó a personas cercanas que decían que Jesús, el obrador de milagros compasivo, iba a pasar. Bartimeo había escuchado historias sobre este hombre de la línea de David que estaba “haciendo el bien”.

De repente, su corazón se llenó de esperanza y llamó a Jesús. Los transeúntes le decían que se callara, pero su corazón estaba lleno de alegre anticipación. Seguramente, si pudiera atraer la atención de Jesús, lo ayudaría a salir de su terrible situación. Jesús entendería lo difícil que era sentarse a rogar diariamente, sujeto a ser ridiculizado o ignorado por aquellos que fueron bendecidos con la vista y la buena salud.

Llamando en voz más alta, Bartimeo finalmente fue escuchado por Jesús, quien le dijo a un transeúnte que lo llamara. El hombre le dijo a Bartimeo: “Anímate, levántate, Jesús te está llamando”. Bartimeo se quitó la capa y se dirigió apresuradamente hacia Jesús. Jesús le preguntó: “¿Qué quieres que haga por ti?” El ciego le suplicó: “Maestro, quiero ver”. Jesús, reconociendo el corazón confiado de Bartimeo, respondió: “Sigue tu camino, tu fe te ha salvado”.

Después de que el ciego fue visto, a diferencia de otros que Jesús había curado, Bartimeo se convirtió en un seguidor de Jesús. Puedo imaginármelo como un hombre alegre, agradecido y un evangelizador muy celoso. ¡Qué privilegio fue para compartir su conocimiento y amor de Jesús con los demás!

Hay muchos tipos de ceguera, a veces ni siquiera reconocidos por las personas. Se han realizado estudios que indican que no nos vemos a nosotros mismos como lo hacen otras personas. Seguramente, no podemos vernos a nosotros mismos como Dios lo hace.

Si queremos ser verdaderos seguidores de Jesús, es importante saber cómo nos ve para que podamos esforzarnos por ser el tipo de persona que desea que seamos. El grito de Bartimeo también debe ser nuestra súplica: “¡Maestro, para que pueda ver!” Sin embargo, eso requiere coraje. Necesitamos pedirle a nuestro Divino Potter ese coraje.

Somos totalmente dependientes de nuestro divino alfarero, ya que necesitamos su ayuda para comenzar a convertirnos en la persona que nos llama a ser. Sin embargo, con un Potter tan misericordioso y amoroso, podemos confiar en que él nos moldeará cuidadosamente, alisando los puntos difíciles. Lo que nos pide es que nos entreguemos por completo en sus manos amorosas.

  Pregunta de reflexión:     ¿Sientes resistencia a verte a ti mismo como Dios te ve? Si es así, pídele el coraje que necesitas.

Oct. 21, 2018 - Our Creator Knows What Is Best

The Twenty-Ninth Sunday in Ordinary Time - B

Reading I:  Isaiah 53: 10-11

Psalm:  33

Reading II:  Hebrews 4: 14-16

Gospel:  Mark 10: 35-45

In today’s Gospel, we hear James and John asking Jesus to do for them whatever they ask of Him. In Jesus’ kingdom, one wanted to sit on his right side and the other on his left. Jesus takes the occasion to teach them some important lessons.

First, He teaches them that God the Father
already knows what is best for them.
I can remember being told a story in school about a man who did not like the cross that he was carrying, so he asked for a different one. After attempting to carry a number of different crosses which he could not manage, he asked to have his old cross back. One of my mother’s favorite sayings which supports this is:
“God fits the back for the burden.”

My mother had many crosses in her life, beginning with the fact that she was severely lame due to a tubercular hip bone which was operated on when she was three. The affected leg never grew to the length of the other leg, so she was severely lame. Besides the cross of the handicap, she suffered the discrimination that handicapped people of her generation experienced.

One story she shared with me was that she had applied for a position in which she would be designing greeting cards. She had attended New York Art School and was well qualified. The interviewer offered her the position. However, when she was walking toward the office door, the interviewer noticed her limping, called her back, and withdrew the offer of the job. His excuse was that his insurance premiums would go up if he were to hire a handicapped person.

My mother also shared that her mother tended to favor her over her brothers and sisters because of her handicap. However, she preferred to be treated the same as her brothers and sisters. She did not want any special treatment.

When I applied to become a Big Sister within the Big Sister Association. I was interviewed regarding the type of child with whom I would like to work. When asked about a handicapped child, I said that was not a problem. I was then asked if I had ever known a handicapped person well. I could not think of one, so I said, “No.” 
However, when the interview was over, I stood up and the light dawned on me. I said, “I can’t believe it! My mother was handicapped, but she never acted
that way... so I didn’t think of her that way.” Today, she would be
called “handicapable.”

The second lesson that Jesus taught the disciples was that God is Sovereign.
In the Garden of Gethsemane, at the beginning of his Passion, the human Jesus showed us how to deal with suffering: how to express ourselves as we hear him cry out in anguish: “My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering from me!”  We need to be totally honest with our God. We need to release our raw feelings. We need to tell our Father that we are in deep pain and that we do not want it.

It is human for us to want to flee suffering. Sometimes God will perform miracles for us if it is for our good or that of others. Yet we need to acknowledge that he is sovereign and knows what is best for us. To be like Jesus, our final response must be: “Yet not what I want, but what you want.”  He has promised to be with us to help us with his Love and his Grace.

 Reflection Question:   How has the Lord and/or other people helped you to carry your crosses?  How have you helped others carry theirs?

Spanish Translation of Reflection Above...

Nuestro Creador Sabe lo que es Mejor

En el Evangelio de hoy, escuchamos a Santiago y Juan pidiéndole a Jesús que haga por ellos lo que le pidan. En el reino de Jesús, uno quería sentarse a su derecha y el otro a su izquierda. Jesús aprovecha la ocasión para enseñarles algunas lecciones importantes.

Primero, les enseña que Dios el Padre ya sabe lo que es mejor para ellos.

Recuerdo que me contaron una historia en la escuela sobre un hombre al que no le gustaba la cruz que llevaba, así que pidió una diferente. Después de intentar llevar una cantidad de cruces diferentes que no pudo manejar, le pidió que le devolviera su antigua cruz. Uno de los dichos favoritos de mi madre que apoya esto es: “Dios calza la espalda para la carga”.

Mi madre tuvo muchas cruces en su vida, comenzando por el hecho de que estaba gravemente coja debido a un hueso tubercular de cadera que se operó cuando tenía tres años. La pierna afectada nunca creció a la longitud de la otra pierna, por lo que estaba gravemente coja. Además de la cruz de la discapacidad, sufrió la discriminación que experimentaban las personas discapacitadas de su generación.

Una de las historias que compartió conmigo fue que había solicitado un puesto en el que estaría diseñando tarjetas de felicitación. Ella había asistido a la Escuela de Arte de Nueva York y estaba bien calificada. El entrevistador le ofreció el puesto. Sin embargo, cuando estaba caminando hacia la puerta de la oficina, la entrevistadora notó que cojeaba, la devolvió la llamada y retiró la oferta del trabajo. Su excusa era que sus primas de seguro subirían si él contratara a una persona discapacitada.

Mi madre también compartió que su madre tendía a favorecerla sobre sus hermanos y hermanas debido a su discapacidad. Sin embargo, ella prefería ser tratada igual que sus hermanos y hermanas. Ella no quería ningún tratamiento especial.

Cuando solicité convertirme en Big Sister dentro de la Asociación Big Sister. Me entrevistaron sobre el tipo de niño con el que me gustaría trabajar. Cuando se le preguntó acerca de un niño discapacitado, dije que no era un problema. Entonces me preguntaron si alguna vez había conocido bien a una persona discapacitada. No pude pensar en uno, así que dije "No". Sin embargo, cuando la entrevista terminó, me puse de pie y la luz se iluminó. Dije, “No puedo creerlo! Mi madre estaba discapacitada, pero nunca actuó de esa manera ... así que no pensé en ella de esa manera”.  Hoy en día, sería llamada “discapacitada”.

La segunda lección que Jesús enseñó a los discípulos fue que
Dios es Soberano.

En el Jardín de Getsemaní, al comienzo de su Pasión, el Jesús humano nos mostró cómo lidiar con el sufrimiento: cómo expresarnos cuando lo escuchamos gritar de angustia: “¡Mi Padre, si es posible, toma esta copa de sufrimiento de mí!”  Necesitamos ser totalmente honestos con nuestro Dios. Necesitamos liberar nuestros sentimientos crudos. Necesitamos decirle a nuestro Padre que estamos sufriendo un profundo dolor y que no lo queremos.

Es humano para nosotros querer huir del sufrimiento. A veces Dios hará milagros para nosotros si es para nuestro bien o el de los demás. Todavía necesitamos reconocer que él es soberano y sabe lo que es mejor para nosotros. Para ser como Jesús, nuestra respuesta final debe ser: “Sin embargo, no es lo que quiero, sino lo que quieres”.  Él ha prometido estar con nosotros para ayudarnos con su amor y su gracia.

  Pregunta de reflexión:   ¿Cómo te ha ayudado el Señor y / u otras personas a llevar tus cruces? ¿Cómo has ayudado a otros a llevar el suyo?

Oct. 14, 2018 - The Rich Young Man

The Twenty-Eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time  - Year B

www.LumoProject.com

Reading I: Wisdom 7:7-11

Psalm: 90

Reading II: Hebrews 4:12-13

Gospel: Mark 10:17-30

What might have been? This Sunday’s Gospel relates a sad incident in the life of Jesus and a rich young man. The young man had been living a good life, however, in admiring Jesus, he was inspired to generosity. Yet, when he approached Jesus asking what more he could do, he found Jesus’ challenge “to sell all he had, give to the poor, and follow him” was more than he could accept.

Jesus looked lovingly at the youth, but must have been disappointed that his earthly possessions had somehow taken possession of this good young man. These temporary goods were being valued above a close relationship with Jesus and the opportunity to share in his mission of bringing the Good News to many.

I can imagine that a great struggle continued inside the youth. He wanted to do more, but he was not willing to give the total gift of himself. If only he had shared his struggle with Jesus instead of walking away sad, Jesus could have helped him.

Jesus then turned to his disciples and said, “How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!” In spite of the fact that we cannot take material things with us when we die, the attraction to possessions and the comfort and security they can provide is very strong. Jesus compared the challenge of giving up riches to a camel trying to go through the eye of a needle.  The reference to the “eye of a needle” is a very narrow passage in a mountainous area.

Sometimes, we also are challenged to give up something for a greater good, and we, too, struggle with decisions. Let us remember that the Lord can help us. A beautiful hymn by the Jesuits is “Take, Lord, Receive.”

Take, Lord, Receive

From: Earthen Vessels Album by St. Louis Jesuits 

                                            
                                              Take, Lord, receive.
                                              all my liberty
                                              My memory, understanding, 
                                              my entire will!
                                              Give me only your LOVE,
                                              and your Grace,
                                              that's enough for me!
                                              Your love and your grace,
                                              are enough for me!
                                             
                                              Take Lord, receive,
                                              All I have and possess.
                                              You have given unto me,
                                              Now I return it.
                                              Give me only your love, 
                                              and your grace,
                                              that's enough for me!
                                              Your love and your grace,
                                              are enough for me!
                                               
                                             Take Lord, receive,
                                              all is yours now.
                                              Dispose of it,
                                              wholly according to your will.
                                              Give me only your love, and your grace,
                                              that's enough for me!
                                              Your love and your grace,
                                              are enough for me!



  Reflection Question:   Is there something that you find difficult to give up for the greater good?  If so, ask the Lord’s help.

In his inspirational message of September 30, 2018, in a series titled, “Stay Focused on God’s Plan for your Life,” Pastor Rick Warren states that, over the course of his ministry, thousands of people told him that they want to be used by God. Pastor Warren’s response was that they will never be used by God because they are too busy. They have their own agendas, plans, dreams, and ambitions and they just don’t have any time. I’m embarrassed to admit, but that sounds like me, trying to carve out a small amount of time for God in my daily routine. 
Your comment, Sr. Annette, regarding the rich young man, “If only he had shared his struggle with Jesus instead of walking away sad, Jesus could have helped him,” correlates to what Rick Warren writes. “If you’re serious about being used by God, you have to say, ‘Lord, what do I need to let go of? What do I need to cut out? What barriers are holding me back and keeping me from running the race you have for me?’ “ 
One of the biggest things that hold us back from God’s plan for us is distractions. Jesus’ words in Luke 9:62, roughly state that anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work God has planned for him is not fit for the kingdom of God. There are so many distractions in our daily life. One of which is our attachment to our material possessions. 
October 4th was the feast day of St. Francis of Assisi. The Entrance Antiphon for that day reads, “Francis, the man of God, left his home behind, abandoned his inheritance and became poor and penniless, but the Lord raised him up.” For those of us who enjoy material comforts, Francis’ total abandonment may seem undoable. If our focus is on material wealth, we may be blinded to Christ’s Presence in those in need around us. We see the joy of simple living in Pope Francis. He models conformity to Christ in poverty of spirit and humility. Perhaps the message for us is to live simply, give generously and love lavishly.
The words of Jesus today invite reflection. As Fr. James A. Wallace writes, “It is hard to enter the Kingdom if you have a lot. If your hands – and your heart – are already full with possessions and obsessions, there might not be any room for God’s presence…These words call us to think about what we have, and what has us. They invite us to discern what holds our hearts captive.”
Pat C., ASBS

Compassionate Communications - Oct. 7, 2018

The Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time - B

Reading I:  Genesis 2:18-24

Psalm:  128

Reading II:  Hebrews 2:9-11

Gospel:  Mark 10:2-16

This is a challenging Gospel when we hear Jesus speaking against divorce. Jesus is holding up the ideal. However, not every marriage works out well due to a variety of factors, e.g. addictions, selfishness, lack of serious commitment, and poor communication skills.

Today, with a better understanding of psychology, there are helps to work through problems: annulments can be sought when there is proof that one or
both parties were not capable, honest, or intentional in their commitment to living out their vows. Also, there are aids in the form of counseling, treatment, and education.  I am going to focus on education in communication skills which are an important factor in any relationship, and especially in a  marriage situation. It has been found that having the tools and skills in communication can enhance any relationship or marriage and serve as a means of resolving problems.

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., who is Jewish, suffered a lot of prejudice in his youth and dedicated his life to finding a way for people to communicate respectfully and effectively with one another. In his younger years, he taught these skills to people of many different cultures all over the world. His goal was to bring about peace in families, in schools, in workplaces, in countries, and in the world. His method is both simple, yet challenging.

The simple formula is the following:

• Observation:  Describe the situation: no criticisms or judgments.
• Feelings:  Name your deep feelings.
• Needs:  Acknowledge your basic needs.
• Request:  Ask for a reasonable, doable response.

The following is an example of a conversation which might help in a marriage situation:
     
      One spouse to the other:

• Observation:  Lately you have been coming home late every night.
• Feelings:  I often feel lonely.
• Needs:  I need your companionship. 
• Request:  I know you are very busy at work. However, could we plan on having one special night a week in which we have some quality time together,  like going out to eat?

Although Dr. Rosenberg is now retired, his workshops are preserved on YouTube: “Basics of Non-Violent Communications,” and other podcasts can still be watched. There are many people all over the world who carry on his work by giving courses and workshops. Also, there is a website www.cnvc.org where one can find the location of these educational opportunities, materials, and more information.  New and used books can be purchased in many outlets.  A comprehensive presentation by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg himself is Non-violent Communication: a Language of Life.

While what I am suggesting helps in difficult marriages, there are some situations which cannot be resolved. Many have tried to keep a family together for the sake of the children; however, that is not always good for the children. After seeking help to solve serious problems and praying for guidance, if the person realizes that the situation cannot be changed, he or she may need to separate. Nevertheless, what is learned from the study of non-violent communication (sometimes called Compassionate Communication) can help in enhancing future relationships. 

Jesus showed us how to be compassionate with one another. He understands our hearts and our situations like no one else. The litmus test in all the decisions we need to make: What is the loving thing to do for all involved in this situation?


I wish I had known about this in my younger years. There were situations which could have been handled in a better way. It could be described as “compassionate communication” because it helps to deepen the understanding between people and can enhance their relationships.


  Reflection and Practice:    Think of a situation, real or possible, which could be helped by using the method taught by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. Find a partner to role-play a conversation, using the method.

Spanish Translation of Reflection Above...

Comunicaciones Compasivas

Este es un evangelio desafiante cuando escuchamos a Jesús hablar en contra del divorcio. Jesús está sosteniendo el ideal. Sin embargo, no todos los matrimonios funcionan bien debido a una variedad de factores, p. adicciones, egoísmo, falta de compromiso serio y poca capacidad de comunicación.

Hoy, con una mejor comprensión de la psicología, hay ayuda para solucionar los problemas: se pueden buscar anulaciones cuando hay pruebas de que una o ambas partes no fueron capaces, honestas o intencionales en su compromiso de vivir sus votos. Además, existen ayudas en forma de asesoramiento, tratamiento y educación. Me voy a centrar en la educación en habilidades de comunicación que son un factor importante en cualquier relación, y especialmente en una situación matrimonial. Se ha descubierto que tener las herramientas y habilidades de comunicación puede mejorar cualquier relación o matrimonio y servir como un medio para resolver problemas.

El Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., que es Judío, sufrió muchos prejuicios en su juventud y dedicó su vida a encontrar una manera para que las personas se comuniquen respetuosa y efectivamente con los demás. En sus años más jóvenes, enseñó estas habilidades a personas de diferentes culturas en todo el mundo. Su objetivo era lograr la paz en las familias, en las escuelas, en los lugares de trabajo, en los países y en el mundo. Su método es simple, pero desafiante.

La fórmula simple es la siguiente:

• Observación:  Describe la situación: sin críticas ni juicios.
• Sentimientos:  Nombra tus sentimientos profundos.
• Necesariamente:  Reconoce tus necesidades básicas.
• Solicitud:  Pide una respuesta razonable y factible.

El siguiente es un ejemplo de una conversación que podría ayudar en una situación matrimonial:      

      One spouse to the other:

• Observación:  Últimamente has venido a casa tarde todas las noches.
• Sentimientos:  A menudo me siento solo.
• Necesariamente:  Necesito tu compañia. 
• Solicitud:  Sé que estás muy ocupado en el trabajo. Sin embargo, ¿podemos planear tener una noche especial a la semana en la que tengamos un tiempo de calidad juntos, como salir a comer?

Aunque el Dr. Rosenberg ahora está jubilado, sus talleres se conservan en YouTube: “Conceptos básicos de comunicaciones no violentas” y otros podcasts aún se pueden ver. Hay muchas personas en todo el mundo que llevan a cabo su trabajo dando cursos y talleres. Además, hay un sitio web www.cnvc.org donde se puede encontrar la ubicación de estas oportunidades educativas, materiales y más información. Los libros nuevos y usados se pueden comprar en muchos puntos de venta. Una presentación completa del propio Dr. Marshall Rosenberg es Comunicación no violenta: un lenguaje de la vida.

Si bien lo que estoy sugiriendo ayuda en los matrimonios difíciles, hay algunas situaciones que no se pueden resolver. Muchos han tratado de mantener una familia unida por el bien de los niños; sin embargo, eso no siempre es bueno para los niños. Después de buscar ayuda para resolver problemas serios y orar por guía, si la persona se da cuenta de que la situación no puede cambiarse, es posible que deba separarse. Sin embargo, lo que se aprende del estudio de la comunicación no violenta (a veces llamado Comunicación Compasiva) puede ayudar a mejorar las relaciones futuras.

Jesús nos mostró cómo ser compasivos con los demás. Él entiende nuestros corazones y nuestras situaciones como nadie más. La prueba de fuego en todas las decisiones que debemos tomar: ¿qué es lo que más nos gusta hacer para todos los involucrados en esta situación?

Ojalá hubiera sabido sobre esto en mis años más jóvenes. Hubo situaciones que podrían haberse manejado de una mejor manera. Podría describirse como “comunicación compasiva” porque ayuda a profundizar el entendimiento entre las personas y puede mejorar sus relaciones.

  Reflexión y Práctica:    Piense en una situación, real o posible, que podría ser útil al usar el método enseñado por el Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. Encuentre un compañero para dramatizar una conversación, usando el método.