Reading I: Sirach 27:30- 28:7Psalm: 103
Reading II: Romans 14: 7-9
Gospel: Matthew 18:21-35
One of the greatest challenges we are given as human beings is to forgive. If we are deeply hurt, it requires a whole process and usually doesn’t happen quickly. We need to seek individual healing and to work diligently to let go of the hurt. As long as we keep trying, the Lord understands and offers us His grace.
What are some of the reasons we humans find forgiveness difficult? Sometimes, we think that by forgiving we are saying what happened was all right. That is not so. Others, believe that it would be a sign of weakness or of letting someone“walk all over you.” Others think that the offender doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.
Whatever the reasons, the irony is that refusing forgiveness hurts the unforgiving person and can even affect his or her health. The bitterness in the person is like a festering wound which can only cause sickness unless it is removed. Actually, forgiveness provides freedom for the
one forgiving.
I can recall going to confession and sharing with the priest that I was having a hard time forgiving someone. The priest’s response was,
“Do you realize that you have hurt others also? You may even be unaware that you did.” Reflecting on my own ability to hurt others was the beginning point for me to let go of the hurt and to be set free from any resentment.
When we listen to the news, we often hear about an individual or family who has lost a loved one through murder or other tragic
events. Sometimes they verbalize their forgiveness or even do
kind things for the one who harmed their loved ones. Others, like
Mothers Against Drunk Driving, attempt to prevent someone else
experiencing the heartbreak that they went through. Still, others
volunteer at shelters for abuse victims.
Whatever positive method is used to cope with tragedy, the ones
who choose outreach to others are helping them and themselves at the same time. On the other hand, those who choose to harbor
bitterness are only hurting themselves more.
Reflection question: What are some positive ways to cope with hurts, both minor or deep?
Spanish Translation of Reflection Above...
Setenta y Siete Veces
Uno de los mayores desafíos que nos dan como seres humanos es perdonar. Si estamos profundamente heridos, se requiere todo un proceso y por lo general no sucede rápidamente. Necesitamos buscar la curación individual y trabajar diligentemente para dejar ir el daño. Mientras sigamos intentando, el Señor entiende y nos ofrece su gracia.
¿Cuáles son algunas de las razones por las que los humanos encuentran difícil el perdón? A veces, pensamos que perdonando estamos diciendo que lo que pasó estuvo bien. Eso no es así. Otros, creen que sería un signo de debilidad o de dejar que alguien “ande por todos lados”. Otros piensan que el delincuente no merece ser perdonado.
Cualesquiera que sean las razones, la ironía es que rechazar el perdón hace daño a la persona que no perdona e incluso puede afectar su salud. La amargura en la persona es como una herida que sólo puede causar enfermedad a no ser que sea quitada. En realidad, el perdón proporciona libertad para quien perdona.
Puedo recordar ir a la confesión y compartir con el sacerdote que estaba teniendo dificultades para perdonar a alguien. La respuesta del sacerdote fue: “¿Te das cuenta de que también has herido a otros? Quizá ni siquiera sepan que lo hicieron.” Reflexionar sobre mi propia habilidad para lastimar a otros fue el punto de partida para que yo dejara de lado el daño y ser liberado de cualquier resentimiento.
Cuando escuchamos las noticias, a menudo oímos hablar de un individuo o familia que ha perdido a un ser querido a través del asesinato u otro trágico eventos. A veces verbalizan su perdón o incluso lo hacen cosas amables para el que dañó a sus seres queridos. Otros, como Mothers Against Drunk Driving, intento de evitar que alguien más experimentando la angustia que atravesaron. Aún otros voluntario en refugios para víctimas de abuso.
Sea cual sea el método positivo que se use para enfrentar la tragedia, que eligen el acercamiento a otros están ayudando a ellos ya ellos mismos al mismo tiempo. Por otro lado, los que deciden
la amargura sólo se lastima más.
The obligation to forgive people who have offended us is a basic and important one. All those helpful explanations and suggestions are sincerely appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThe following excerpts are from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."
"This petition is astonishing ... According to the second phrase, our petition will not be heard unless we have first met a strict requirement. Our petition looks to the future, but our response must come first, for the two parts are joined by the single word 'as.' "
"Love, like the Body of Christ, is indivisible; we cannot love
the god we cannot see if we do not love the brother or sister we do see. In refusing to forgive our brothers and sisters, our hearts are closed and their hardness makes them impervious to the Father's merciful love; but in confessing our sins, our hearts are opened to his grace."
"Thus the Lord's words on forgiveness, the love that loves to the end, becomes a living reality. The parable of the merciless servant, which crowns the Lord's teaching on ecclesial communion, ends with these words: 'So also my heavenly father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.' It is there, in fact, 'in the depths of the heart,' that everything is bound and loosed. It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intersession."
CCC 2838, 2840, 2843
Cesar Millan, a well-known dog trainer, once stated, “Dogs don’t rationalize. They don’t hold anything against a person. They don’t see the outside of a human but the inside of a human.” Sweet yelps and wagging tails – no wonder dogs are considered man’s best friend! The unconditional love of a pet contributes to our wellbeing as our worries are suspended and our spirits are uplifted. We humans could be a much happier species if we would “do life” like our canine pals.
ReplyDeleteHowever, we tend to hold onto anger and resentment and sometimes these feelings lead to thoughts of revenge. If we allow such negativity to take root in our minds and hearts we will not be able to let in love or joy. We can’t receive goodness with tightly clenched fists. As you indicate in your blog, unresolved conflict may even affect our health. Forgiveness is the answer, and like chicken soup, is good for the health of the body as well as the soul.
In response to your question about positive ways of coping with hurt, I offer some suggestions from an article published by Johns Hopkins Medicine on Forgiveness: (http://hopkinsmedicine.org/health/healthy_aging/healthy_connections/forgiveness)
1. Reflect and remember - think about the incident, how you reacted, how you felt, and how the hurt and anger have affected you since.
2. Empathize with the other person – consider their life circumstances and see if their behavior might result from negative life events. Such contemplation may lead us to compassion.
3. Forgive deeply – shallow forgiving because we think we have no alternative or because our religion requires it may not bring forth healing. Rather, forgiveness that comes from understanding that no one is perfect may bring renewal to the relationship.
4. Let go of expectations – an apology may not be forthcoming or it may not reignite the relationship. If we don’t expect either, we won’t be disappointed.
5. Decide to forgive – once we make the choice to forgive seal it with an action. If we feel that we can’t talk to the one who hurt us, we can write about our forgiveness in a journal or talk about it to someone in our life whom we trust.
6. Forgive yourself - no matter what happened or what was said, it is not a reflection of our self-worth.
I, personally, benefitted from talking with a professional coach when a major family issue led to disconnect with my sister. While our relationship has not yet been restored, I am at peace with her decision and able to forgive her and myself having gained awareness into the attachments we place on our perceptions of love. The act of genuine forgiveness is very liberating. It is not about getting the other person to change their behavior or see things our way; it’s about bringing emotional and spiritual healing to our life.
In her book, “Anatomy of the Spirit,” author Caroline Myss writes, “By far the strongest poison to the human spirit is the inability to forgive oneself or another person...forgiveness is an essential spiritual act that must occur in order to open oneself fully to the healing power of love. Self-love means caring for ourselves enough to forgive people in our past so that the wounds can no longer damage us - for our wounds do not hurt the people who hurt us, they hurt only us.”
In today’s parable, Jesus teaches us to forgive limitlessly from our heart because that is how God bestows His mercy upon us. I can choose to embrace forgiveness or resist it. I get to experience peace and freedom or bitterness and victim mindedness. I prefer the benefits that forgiveness, acceptance and peace produce in my life, much better than resistance, judgment and anger.
Pat C., ASBS